The Funny Firm - Show prep

A passenger is facing charges after 90 pounds of marijuana were found in a checked bag at JFK Airport. TSA workers discovered 30, three-pound bags of weed in luggage during screening over Thanksgiving. *Officials became suspicious when the passenger ordered a second, third, and forth in-flight snack. (Paul Dudley)

A Warner Brothers' Batmobile featured in Tim Burton's live-action film, "Batman" is being sold by a movie car collector for one-and-a-half-million-dollars. It comes complete with a working flame thrower. *Big deal, a flame thrower is standard issue on any vehicle driving Los Angeles freeways. (Paul Dudley)

A report from the CDC shows the rates of alcohol-induced deaths among U.S. adults over 65 have been climbing since 2011. The reports didn't say what was causing the climbing death rates. *Activity directors in retirement villages should have never introduced late afternoon beer pong, keg stands and Jell-O shots. (Rick Fancy)

Investigators say a fight over cigarettes and crack led to Sunday's stabbing in Madison, Wisconsin. Prosecutors say John Overshiner stabbed a man in the back, saying the man stole crack from him a few days earlier. The stabbing victim is expected to live. *This is scary, it's almost exactly what happened during Thanksgiving with my family. (Paul Dudley)

The NYPD says it took more than ten-million-dollars worth of bogus products off the streets of the city in a major bust Monday. Cops targeted trucks full of counterfeit designer watches, footwear, and jewelry. *New York City officials are concerned that now criminals won't have counterfeit goods to steal and put under the Christmas tree. (Rick Fancy)

A Chihuahua from Los Angeles is now the oldest in the world. Gino was born in 2000 and now Guinness World Records recently verified Gino as the oldest living dog at 22-year-old. *Only in Los Angeles could 22 be considered old. (Paul Dudley)

WhatsApp is rolling out a feature that lets you chat with yourself. It's called "Message Yourself" and lets users share info and reminders to be easily checked later. It'll be on all Android and iPhone devices in the coming weeks. *I don't know about that, my mom told me that if i keep messaging myself i'll go blind. (Paul Dudley)

The San Francisco police department is proposing that it be allowed to use robots with "deadly force" while responding to incidents. The remote-controlled devices are used for area inspection and bomb disposal. *Oh, and for the A.I robot apocalypse. (Paul Dudley)

im Kardashian and Kanye West have finally settled their divorce. Kim filed for divorce in February of 2021 after seven years of marriage. *Kim does have something to celebrate, she now holds the record for the longest Kardashian marriage ever! (Paul Dudley)

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have finally settled their divorce. This is a big improvement for Kim. *Her first two marriages were featured on 90 Day Divorcee'. (Rick Fancy)

Health officials say it might time to toss out any Thanksgiving leftovers still in the fridge. The DHS says the Monday after Thanksgiving as the last day to safely eat refrigerated food. *Well i guess we had Black Friday, Cyber Monday...if you wait too long it'll be Tummy Ache Tuesday, followed by Salmonella Saturday. (Paul Dudley)

Whole Foods announced that it would stop selling lobster from the Gulf of Maine at hundreds of its stores around the country. There are protests from both sides of the issue. *But really, who in the world has the money these days to afford LOBSTER at WHOLE FOODS? (Rick Fancy)

Re-hired Disney CEO Bob Iger has allegedly been in complaining to friends that theme parks have gotten too expensive. Daily admission prices to Disney theme parks will go up to 189 dollars next month. *When a multi millionaire is complaining about Disney ticket prices...you know the price has gotten out of hand. (Paul Dudley)

Mark Wheeler

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